“i was a successful accountant for decades – wife, 2 kids, a dog, a mansion, i drove a luxury car…until one day I walked past the ngl tbh gallery, looked over and caught a glimpse of one piece, then i sprinted to the nearest jamba juice and stuck my dick in the running blender, no idea why I did it, best day of my life. now i live under a bridge with your lovely, spry, and giving mother, who helps me crochet my slippers. the obamas famously wear my handmade slippers on all their vacations, and although michelle has called me a pestilence and a rat batter rag, she did so whilst wearing lavender house shoes from my fall 2021 collection. she was looking comfortable,
not gonna lie, to be honest.”